... I don't know how to blog this, and I've been thinking about it for a while... but there is something going on in our community, something that is hard to get a handle on, something I don't really know how to talk about... but at the heart of what is going on is that we are being exposed, stripped of our defensive structures, having our raw nerves prodded... it feels like something is going to happen... as Tam (one of our prophetic voices) says, it's like there is a storm on the horizon and we are feeling the water being sucked into the maelstrom... we have choices to make which we can't at this time articulate, but in some ways we have to choose whether to turn tail and flee, sit where we are and become encompassed by the storm or set the sail and head for the heart of the storm... part of this seems to be about becoming a deeper community, part of it seems to be about becoming truly ourselves, part of it seems to be about finding out how to really hear/feel what God is saying/doing... what God does seem to be doing is beginning to prepare us for something, something that is going to happen here.
... I don't really know why I'm blogging this, 'cos it's more about what is yet to be grasped than anything concrete... and it's way beyond my understanding anyway... but we have had prophetic things said to us in the last couple of years which have seemed ridiculous and counter-intuitive but have proved to be significant and accurate... part of this storm means we have to embrace the things which have been said... some of it has been about ripples spreading from here and going across the planet, some of it is about me... in fact in the bath this morning I was reading Paulo Coelho's The Zahir and there is a section in which echoes what has been buzzing in my spirit so accurately it made my head spin... Tam told me recently that I needed to let go, to stop denying who I was but to embrace it, because I needed to feel God through my feet as I walked, to understand, as I am called to do things in and with this community that none of yet know or understand... then this morning I read this...
it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People have to understand that no one is playing with marked cards' sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect to receive recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are...There seems to be something for us in what Bruggemann (Living Toward a Vision) wrote, which we read last week...... I am light, so light that I could walk on a cloud and not fall to earth. I am not carrying with me the weight of fame, of stories I have told, of itineraries to follow. I am so transparent that the sun's rays can penetrate my body and illumine my soul. I see that there are still many dark areas inside me, but with perseverance and courage they will gradually be washed away... it seems so childish, irresponsible, unnecessary, pointless. But I am being reborn and I need to take new risks.
I have the impression that most of us, and perhaps we cannot do otherwise, want to talk about shalom as a task, or as discipleship, or (preish the thought) as "works", as more we have to do. And if we start there, we not only betray the mystery of the table, but laso we doom our shaloming to failure, either in pride or despair, before we even begin. But it does begin at the table, it always does. And the promise to us is thaty the church that lets it's historic mystery fashion its life can hear the word and can be empowered to live in and toward the new age of shalom. The Church that has been to the table and has heard the word has nothing to fear.We know we have nothing to fear, but we and I do feel exposed at the moment, there are dark patches and there is a nagging need to have it all sewn up and dealt with, to be doing, achieving. I guess the reason I'm blogging this is that some of you know me personally, some don't, some may be here for the very first time even as a result of some random google image search! But I feel that we walk together in some way, maybe just for a step or two, maybe we are passing in opposite directions... but whatever we spend a moment together on the road... and as such I wanted to offer you a window on where and who we are at this stopping place on the pilgrimage. Thanks for listening, please feel free to pray, comment and tell us about where and who you are.
Technorati Tags: Community: Emerging Church: Missional: new-monasticism: Pilgrimage: Spirituality
i love the place that you are in mark - your thinking, your feeling and you intuiting - and i love that you are brave enough to attempt to articulate it even though it is tacit and unformed - but it is evident to me that it is forming you in some way - thanks for sharing, i found your words really encouraging - peace - julie
Posted by: julie | 30/03/2008 at 15:35
terrifying and wonderful at the same time. praying and in many ways, right there with you.
oh and hey, we are going to be in England in November - probably barham. we'd love to visit :) I know it's about 3 hours (ish) but that's not bad for us.
Posted by: Makeesha | 30/03/2008 at 18:47
wow, scarey and yet strangely invigorating I would imagine. This is something I'm struggling through personally as well at the moment
Posted by: Greg the Explorer | 31/03/2008 at 03:06
Just to say keeping you all in prayer.
Posted by: LauraHD | 31/03/2008 at 10:45
Hiya Mark - it would be dead easy (with my professional PDA hat on) to want to rationalise and explain this experience - but that would be totally wrong - in this very activist world (and church) that battle between stillness and activity, being and doing! Just to say, you don't walk alone - God walks before you, alongside you and behind you. I think of the times we worked together and conversations we had, which feel now like they were all preparing you for now.
God's blessing and shalom on you and the community.
Posted by: Andrew Gear | 31/03/2008 at 11:59
cool, very inspiring post and a great place but scary place to be. Flying a bit of kite here but do you think the letting go could link to the conversations we had in northampton last month? feeling the same of what I can only describe as a call to move beyond. hope to catch up soon
Posted by: Richard Passmore | 01/04/2008 at 19:08